Week 6 response to Sara M.'s post

This really doesn’t surprise me but I definitely agree with your thumbs down! When I was in high school I barely wore makeup, but there were so many popular, pretty girls coming to class with FULL makeup and I mean foundation, concealer, fake lashes, full eye makeup, the works! I think it’s hilarious that so many men claim they prefer more natural-looking women. Let them say that when we go out on dates with them with 100% clean faces, dark under eye circles or blemishes blatant for them to see. I think we women learn from a young age to play up our assets, make up our faces and hair to achieve our own personal ideal of beauty, which usually coincides with a general one of societal influence. Your cousin’s interest in the newest and best products reminds me of how consumed we are in getting the upperhand, as though we’re in a battle to look our best and appeal to the public physically. Think on how sales in “mineral makeup” skyrocketed! Once celebrity makeup artists were touting that this was the next big miracle in makeup, American women ran out to buy it and hopefully find an even better way to hide “imperfections,” beautify and glamorize our appearances, like the stars. Maybe we the consumers feel we must compete with the celebrities’ unrealistic, idealized standards of beauty so we have to “pay to look good.” I think the real price is what this does to a generation of young girls’ self-image and self-esteem. Maybe if we valued “natural” beauty more during childhood and adolescents it would create more secure women who don’t so much buy into the next makeup or style trend, but adhere to their own individualistic ideals. I can dream, can’t I?

Week 6 Response to Class Blog

I feel frustrated with the amount of air time reality shows devote to women in vain pursuits of beauty, fashion, shopping, glamour, and basically an ideal of physical “perfection” and social status. I talk about this in my final paper and think it is only getting worse as the years and seasons of TV programming go by. Often when a woman is depicted as strong or smart she is demonized as the villain or the “bitch.” Most women are still portrayed as fitting a stereotype of either the nurturing mother or the sex object. I find most of the shows that do depict women as self-sufficient and smart are not reality TV, but shows like Law and Order SVU, Bones, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Hawthorn, Saving Grace, Medium, and The Closer. I can not bear to watch the Real Housewives series or these ridiculous shows that set back women and equality one hundred years. I don’t think they are an accurate representation. While we may still have a patriarchal society, these depictions of women are extreme and I think provide escapism for those in the “real” world which can explain their high ratings. I definitely think they hinder our progress recognizing women as capable equals. I wonder too why so many women tune in and claim these silly shows are “guilty pleasures.” Is that because they are aware that they should know better? Or enjoy TV that does not portray women in his manner? And notice how the “male” reality shows provide images of men doing stereotypically masculine things; Man vs. Wild, Man vs. Food, Dirty Jobs, Mythbusters, Ghosthunters, etc. My research showed that audiences are drawn to watching shows with the familiar gender roles so it makes sense that shows try to appeal to this with men doing manly things and women conforming to outdated ideals of feminine. Honestly, I can not think of any reality shows where women are not portrayed in this manner and I find it discouraging.

Week 6 Post Women in television

In doing research on gender roles in television I started to think even more on the shows that I’ve watched and how they have depicted women and femininity. I have to say many of the sitcoms I’ve enjoyed over the years have portrayed women strictly in a relational manner, as a wife, mother, girlfriend or friend. Often their careers are not the main focus to their character. Also, they may be depicted as a vixen or a villain, rather than positively associated with independence, intelligence or strength of character. An extreme example is in soap operas, but even in comedies we see the virgin or the whore syndrome come to play. I noticed another extreme example of gender bias because my roommate watches The Bachelor and The Bachelorette religiously. These shows adhere to every gender bias I can think of! Both shows perpetuate that romantic heterosexual love and marriage is the prize and ultimate goal in life. It seems being career driven for men is a positive attribute on The Bachelorette, whereas for women this may be your downfall. How about those rose ceremonies where the bachelorette is always in a gown, full makeup and hair done? I think those few strong, independent female lead characters I’ve seen have been some of my favorites over the years, like Olivia Benson on Law and Order SVU or the Olivia D’abo (older sister Karen) character on The Wonder years, also the women on ER or The Practice, or even the Golden Girls and the Powerpuff girls! I liked all of these women and found their depictions battled some of the gender stereotypes in television but there's a long way to go.

Week 5 Response to Lindsey's Post "caves"

This is such an antiquated notion; I think it’s ridiculous too! As much as I hate to say it, I’m guessing this goes back to the theory of women wanting to nest. I hate the term because it sounds as though we’re reducing our behavior to that of animals. I know the “nesting instinct” is usually associated with pregnancy, but I feel somehow the concept has become entangled and metamorphosis into the idea that women decorate the home. It seems understood that we are to make a comfortable space for the family to live and thrive. Added to this the very 1950’s, June Cleaver-esque image of the ideal wife and mother creating the ideal space for family. Plus the even more antiquated idea that women make things “pretty.” I think the man cave has emerged as the space where men feel they can retain their masculinity. I’m not sure the origin of the “cave” aspect unless it’s reference to cavemen who use to be in control of their living space back in times of the Neanderthals! Nor do I understand why the entire home can’t be a true collaboration between partners. I guess we all need our own personal space, but the degree to which many men need to designate theirs and define it as “masculine” through their overly masculine design and decoration seems silly. Check out this website: http://www.mancavesite.org/ with everything for your man cave! Notice “Chugg” the logo of a caveman! Have we not progressed in thousands of years? Sheesh.

Week 5 response to Tamica's post

It’s tough when you realize the education a younger generation of women may be receiving from their own mothers. This is so sad! We recognize discrimination in the media, throughout popular culture, and can try to raise awareness against it. However, what is going on within homes between parents and daughters is so influential to the children’s sense of self. I would have been just as shocked and angry at this, yet I feel there is no real solution. Some parents are going to continue to pass these types of expectations or bias views of femininity onto their children, no matter how much education and positive reinforcement there may be in the world to combat it. However, there’s always hope. My parents enforced a very strict gender ideology of what is expected of their two daughters in being feminine and attractive. Yet I don’t feel I try to uphold their standards and will not continue the cycle on to my future children. Furthermore, I am shocked there is not more public condemnation of this "Busty Barbie!"

Week 5 Post: Bare chests at Bonnaroo

This past weekend I attended Bonnaroo, the 4 day outdoor music festival in Tennessee. Needless to say it was incredibly hot and thousands of us were baking in the sun all day long. Men and boys of all ages were topless, which reminded me of our Brandi Chastain blackboard discussion. What I found most interesting was the few instances I noticed where women went topless. In this very liberal environment it was not as shocking as one might think, but I still wouldn’t say it was accepted either. Of course it would’ve been impossible to enforce any kind of policy on dress. Also, the booze were flowing quite freely and I would imagine other illegal substances would not have been hard to obtain. Hence a lax attitude toward a few topless women was a drop in the bucket of some rowdy and tawdry behavior throughout the weekend’s events. I caught an eye full of a topless male/female couple dancing and seemingly in their own world. During my boyfriend’s band’s performance a topless and chest tattooed woman was elevated in the crowd on someone’s shoulders visible to the thousands of spectators. The lead singer proclaimed she was the first topless woman fan in their crowd in all of their 6 years as a touring band. The other band girlfriends and wives thought it was more shocking to see an obese man topless in the crowd than the woman. They made jokes about the man’s flabby chest as though he should have stayed covered because his body was not the ideal image of masculinity or what society deems attractive. There were a few “man boobs” jokes exchanged. They didn’t seem to pass as much judgment on the topless woman. I personally did not care or take offense to any of the chests I saw, male or female. It was ungodly hot and humid, and I’m pretty open minded when it comes to nudity in this type of circumstance. However, I thought it was interesting to hear other people’s opinions and how critical the girls were of the male bodies they saw. Although they did not verbalize any criticism of the topless women, I’m sure if I went topless I would’ve met a barrage of criticism from them as well. While they tend to look the other way at strangers, if one their own friends like me went bare-chested I know there would have been some very negative reactions. Not that I would have done it. Just food for thought.

Week 4 Response to Yesenia's Post

Ok, this really bothers me too!! I’m not at all surprised about how profitable this Lingerie Football League has become. It seems like a joke to have scantily clad “hot” women playing football and then for a coach to claim they’re real athletes. Who is he kidding? This is not about athleticism. Are any of these women weighing 250 lbs from enormous muscles? I doubt it. I’m sure they all have very nicely toned yet slender bodies to play the sport and still attract tons of male spectators. I don’t think women built like Michael Strahan will attract the same patronage to this pseudo-sport. Like you said, even the names are sexual showing “Hey look, we got some hot women not wearing much more than shoulder pads and helmets trying to play football!” It sounds demeaning and pretty ridiculous.

Week 4 Response to Paulette's Post

What a frustrating situation! In any circumstance where a promotion is not 100% performance based seems unfair to me. What if you had been pregnant at this time as well? Or neither of you? Would promotion have gone to you? It doesn’t seem ok for your boss to take planning for your co-worker’s future into consideration for who receives this lead position. What if unbeknownst to your boss you have an obligation that would make minimal travel ideal for you as well? Let’s say hypothetically you are taking care of an elderly relative or something like that. Should your boss take into account your needs or role as caretaker and factor this into the decision? I can think of many scenarios where this type of practice just isn’t ethical and would create an uncomfortable work environment to say the least! I just don’t think this logic should come into play when determining promotions. I'm sorry you have to deal with such a discriminatory circumstance.

Week 4 Post "Just Friends"

After our reading and blackboard discussion of male/female friendships, I had to write about my own experience with “just friends.” When I was younger I often had feelings for my male friends. I feel that both sides are getting something out of the friendship which is why they are bonded in the first place. There is usually much common ground, and in my case those connections frequently lead to attraction. So many of my male friends claim that in any cross-sexed friendship one side wants the other, and looking back this was often the case in my life. However, as I grew up I found it easier to have a rewarding friendship with a man, with no sexual undertones. I am actually quite proud of my 15 year friendship with my friend Scott. We met in high school. He was the best friend of my then boyfriend. We hung out and became friends on our own. Throughout our twenties we stayed close, even when I was at Rutgers New Brunswick and he was at Westchester University in Pennsylvania. Whenever he had a girl problem I was his first call. I was, and still am, the friend he relies on when going through a difficult heartbreak. I mean “relies” in a 100% platonic sense. I doubt he tells his guy friends about his hurt, or when he is humiliated, or the intricate details of his disagreements and issues in relationships. In fact, he is presently going through a painful breakup and I receive phone calls, middle-of-the night texts, and instant messages with the gut-wrenching details that I know he only reveals to me. I can provide a female perspective and maybe one he hasn’t thought of in the drama and pain of his emotional ordeal. We all need friends, especially during those difficult and pessimistic times. However, I feel that our friendship gives him a little something extra to help get him through this rough patch. Somehow when I reassure him of how awesome he is, that she is not the only girl who will see that, and that he deserves so much better, it does much more to ease the pain and hurt than when the same consolations are offered from his male buddies. (I guess female credentials come in handy here!) It seems as though his mind says “if she thinks so another girl will too!” I’d like to reiterate that we have never and will never get together romantically! Conversely, I confide in him about my relationship issues and get good, frank, and straight-forward male perspective without sugar-coating like some of my female friends do. Sometimes it’s harder to take. Scott will call me out faster than female friends if I’m being what he deems unreasonable. If I have unrealistic expectations or am jealous when it is unprovoked Scott will say “Don’t be crazy!” or “Dana, this is below you.” His respect means the world to me and he has the ability to remind me that I’m of value and should conduct myself as such. He relates to my boyfriend because they’re men, but simultaneously empathizes with me as my long time friend. I think it has enriched my life and made me a better, more understanding person to an immeasurable extent. Trust me, I tell him and thank him all the time!

Week 3 Response to Sara M. post

I see different sides of the spectrum on this issue. Yes, Toys R Us is an extreme example where the gender lines are so rigidly pointed out as a guide for what little girls and little boys supposedly should be playing with. However, I also see children desiring to adhere to these cues in my own life. Not ALL children of course, but for example my niece LOVES anything pink and girly. All of her favorite playtime things are very gendered and I think she enjoys that aspect of it, as though playing a big girl is half the fun! She loves modeling herself after my sister, mom or me. She walks around in our high heels and plays dress up while her brother Adrian likes to play with action figures like Spiderman and batman. He’s also much more aggressive in his play while she is thoughtful and subdued. She loves her dollhouse and he loves weapons and dinosaurs. The one time he had somewhat feminine playtime behavior was when he likes to pretend to vacuum and even then you could see some reactions to this as though it was out of the ordinary. Of course by now, 4.5 years old, he’s replaced the vacuum with baseball bats and water guns! As an ex-retail manager I can say that merchandising is essential to driving sales. How the displays are constructed, floor plans, wall and floor fixtures are all carefully thought out to maximize revenue. I’m sure Toys R Us has done plenty of market research to support their merchandising plans to prove it’s the most profitable to segregate the toys and color code them along gender lines. I’m not saying its right, but I’m not surprised by it either.

Week 3 Response to Jeffrey's post

I think many of us can relate to gender assignments in our families. Nothing like good old family traditions to bring out the outdated mentality of the past! I see the same type of roles in my very Italian family, especially on the holidays. Like yours it is 100% expected in my family for the women to cook elaborate meals while the men are on the couch. Once in a while we’ll get a side dish or some contribution from a man and it is touted as though he moved mountains. “Did you try Uncle Bill’s mashed potatoes? He slaved whipping them for so long!” Hmmmm, I bet his mashed potatoes couldn't’t compare to the days of preparation and cooking for the rest of Thanksgiving dinner by my aunt! I think it’s funny that you point out challenging these roles can lead to a spoon smack. Whether it is generational, cultural, or gender based these strict guidelines should be discussed and challenged! I think it will be interesting to see how your generation, those eating in the basement, will conduct their family get-togethers. Will the traditional roles be carried on?

Week 3 Gender Moment Post

My gender moment this past week was quite obvious to me; it came as I was the only female among 4 men helping my boyfriend move! I understand that I am a small girl. I am barely 5’2” and probably no more than 120lbs if that. I’m not the strongest or most muscular girl I know either! Hence, my carrying of furniture or heavy/large items was already well restricted due to basic physical capability. However, I get the feeling that my gender came into play as well. There was an understanding that not as much physical labor was expected of me. Steve had his father, 13 year old little brother Tom and friend Jon helping with the move. I noticed they would direct Tom and me towards what they thought we could “handle” such as smaller drawers, couch cushions, and pretty much anything light weight. I realized that my physical ability, a grown woman, was likened to that of a 13 year old boy! I’m not sure if this was fair but I will say that this was one circumstance where I didn't mind adhering to a gender stereotype. I wouldn't like being considered weak, but I admit I did enjoy not having to work quite as hard as the bigger, stronger men did. I tried to pull my weight and helped as much as I could. Although, in the extreme heat I found myself watching them move the larger items (couch, tempurpedic bed, dressers) and enjoying a well deserved break. I felt I did my share and even helped clean the old house when everyone else was long gone. I didn't help him clean because it was “women’s work” as much as it was a way I was able to contribute within my physical parameters. I did feel a bit inadequate not being able to carry or move as much as they had, but also that they had such low expectations of me from the start! I feel this is not only based on traditional views of women, but that I in particular coincide with what they find to be “feminine” and hence am underestimated in such a masculine task as this was.

Week #2 comment on Jeffrey's post

I would have felt he same way in such a situation. I think the ease at which he replaced the word “girlfriend” with such a negative word like “bitch” is what would affect me the most. It is one thing to make a joke in bad taste or cross a line and then recognize your error and apologize. However, when something like your experience happens, it shows a deeper assimilation of this type of derogatory language embedded and accepted within the culture. The way he did not give a second thought to whether or not it would offend you or her, even if she was not present, suggests he sees nothing wrong with it. It leads me to believe that the word “bitch” is becoming more widespread in defining all women, not just those that are considered actually “bitchy.” Yet the negative connotation has not disappeared. Now we are not running the risk of being called “bitches” because of our attitudes or behaviors, we’re running the risk simply because we are biologically women! I always think of the way individuals refer to someone they have wrapped around their finger as their “bitch.” In my mind it denotes weakness, as in “he’s whining like a little bitch.” This adds another layer to referring to women as “bitches,” as though we are the weaker sex/gender and in some way belong to someone, like a male counterpart.

Week #2 Response to Class blog

Like Michelle I grew up with parents acting within their traditional gender roles. I think this has a great effect on children who observe and essentially absorb their parents’ behavior as role models. I too was confused by my father’s expectations of my mother. Why was my mother who worked just as long hours, expected to have a healthy home made meal on the table every night? My father also never cleaned off the kitchen table, did the laundry, cared for or walked the family dog, or bothered to help us with homework. To a child one could confuse his “masculine” role of bread winner as pretty uncaring. I’m not saying this is true of all those who adhere to this gender role, but it was how I saw him as a child. I thought the dynamic was unfair and I felt badly for my mother who always put the family first, while my father seemed to put himself first. My mother kept an immaculately clean house and raised two very strong, loving, and intelligent daughters with great integrity. I would not applaud my father in the same way as my memories of him are predominantly as disciplinarian, a lay about in front of the television or as an absentee since he spent much of his time in the “man cave” of our basement. I found I looked for opposing qualities in a relationship to prevent carrying on this structure in my future family. My boyfriend cleans and cooks better than I do! He takes care of pets as though they are children. Furthermore, he is sensitive and nurturing without this having any threat to his masculinity. Sometimes I notice friends whose fathers were “tough guys” marrying a very similar type of man. I feel I’m more aware of this due to my upbringing and the gender roles played out in my family. I’m keenly aware of gender roles and am grateful for this awareness.

Week 2

I have a gender in communication moment virtually everyday when my boyfriend calls me pet names. After reading about these names in reference to being like a child, animal, toy or completely sexualized, I find it even harder to be ok with any of them. My boyfriend thinks the term “shorty” is funny and since I’m only 5’2” he teases me that I’m his “shorty.” It drives me crazy! I’ve asked him to stop, but now and then he still chides me with it. He’s also calls me “lady” or “miss,” for example when he texts hello he usually says “hiiii pretty lady” or “hey sexy miss.” It seems silly to me, as though it’s a play on the formality of the words. However, I can’t for the life of me think of a pet name I’d rather him call me! Most rub me the wrong way or define a woman in a way I’d rather not condone. I agree that these names often indicate territoriality and most make me feel uncomfortable or insecure, even if there are good intentions. He jokes that I can find something wrong with anything he says about me, so I wonder if I am being too harsh. (If he says lady I say oh because I’m older? If he says cutie, I think why not pretty or beautiful? Cute is for kids!) I think everyone has a different comfort level in their own lives for this type of language and it can be somewhat open to interpretation depending on the individual and their experience.

Comment to Dawn M Initial Post

I'm also interested in how gender studies could give me a broader perspective and help me professionally. What an excellent recommendation for those in human resources! (Or like our classmate in Public Relations) In my previous job I handled all of the human resource duties and I think I would have benefited from a better understanding of gender and how each communicates. HR is based on communication, so much so in my last job that I received a rating on my communication skills which helped determine my raise! (It was one of the top five categories in promoting!) I think it is a step in the right direction for employers to encourage this type of education. Of course, I think gender studies will also broaden personal viewpoints as well. Just in posting these Eureka moments we’re forced to examine our own lives and how gender and communication play a vital role. I’m looking forward to it.

In response to Tamica's Week 1 blog

Dana said...
I think what you’re saying is common in our society. Wanting to “live and let live,” trying to respect all types of love and expression, and questioning our own ideals of gender as you did here, are all valid concepts that I adhere to as well. It is interesting that you question and challenge your reasons for discomfort, as it feels adverse to your values. I think the key is in being a parent. Suddenly our rules and behaviors change. Although we may believe one thing we might unintentionally stray from consistently upholding said beliefs when it concerns our child. Or maybe it’s not that anything truly changes, but that there is a different set of mental rules/values so to speak when it comes to parenting. I don’t know how I would feel being that I’m not a mother. I would think the display would not bother me, but my child’s understanding of it would. At a young age I’m not sure how much children comprehend of gender identity or sexual orientations that go against those prescribed. Who knows, maybe being exposed to a greater variety of these would create a more open minded social structure, if the next generation is more comfortable than the last. That is merely my perspective as an idealist. Yet I could see how religion, family or traditional values passed down, and a number of other factors could influence one’s reaction.

My niece and nephew

After reading the different theoretical approaches to gender development I thought of my own twin niece and nephew who are only four years old. My sister has never allowed for toy guns or toy weapons of any kind. However, my nephew Adrian as been fascinated with all types of play weapons regardless of her attempts. Ever since he was able to walk he would wonder around the yard collecting sticks to act as swords and guns. My niece on the other hand was completely disinterested in this sort of play. She enjoys setting up her doll house and play cooking while he searches for something to "blast" her with. Of course these preferences could not strictly be attributed to gender, but I've noticed many individuals claim that is the case. I've heard family members claim it is sheer biology, as in biological theories of gender, that he be more aggressive and she more sensitive. I've heard that he naturally enjoys sports and playing fireman, policeman, or soldier due to his gender while she plays mommy or chef. However, I find that psychodynamic theories and social learning theory can be applicable as well. They have learned in relation to each other and the world around them which has contributed to their gender identities. They role modeled after mom and dad, meanwhile always maintaining their own roles as the girl or boy, sister or brother, in counterpoint to each other. Also, they've been exposed to much learning in the media, story books, television and their experiences at preschool. I feel that simply stating their behavior is biological and "natural" ignores the myriad of interpersonal and cultural components to gender development.

Week #1

I tried using this blog months ago and felt it was too much, with other social networks and the like. I did not realize I deleted all the blog posts I had made! Well, now the slate is wiped clean and I can begin with Eureka moments regarding gender and communication. More to come.....