Week 4 Post "Just Friends"

After our reading and blackboard discussion of male/female friendships, I had to write about my own experience with “just friends.” When I was younger I often had feelings for my male friends. I feel that both sides are getting something out of the friendship which is why they are bonded in the first place. There is usually much common ground, and in my case those connections frequently lead to attraction. So many of my male friends claim that in any cross-sexed friendship one side wants the other, and looking back this was often the case in my life. However, as I grew up I found it easier to have a rewarding friendship with a man, with no sexual undertones. I am actually quite proud of my 15 year friendship with my friend Scott. We met in high school. He was the best friend of my then boyfriend. We hung out and became friends on our own. Throughout our twenties we stayed close, even when I was at Rutgers New Brunswick and he was at Westchester University in Pennsylvania. Whenever he had a girl problem I was his first call. I was, and still am, the friend he relies on when going through a difficult heartbreak. I mean “relies” in a 100% platonic sense. I doubt he tells his guy friends about his hurt, or when he is humiliated, or the intricate details of his disagreements and issues in relationships. In fact, he is presently going through a painful breakup and I receive phone calls, middle-of-the night texts, and instant messages with the gut-wrenching details that I know he only reveals to me. I can provide a female perspective and maybe one he hasn’t thought of in the drama and pain of his emotional ordeal. We all need friends, especially during those difficult and pessimistic times. However, I feel that our friendship gives him a little something extra to help get him through this rough patch. Somehow when I reassure him of how awesome he is, that she is not the only girl who will see that, and that he deserves so much better, it does much more to ease the pain and hurt than when the same consolations are offered from his male buddies. (I guess female credentials come in handy here!) It seems as though his mind says “if she thinks so another girl will too!” I’d like to reiterate that we have never and will never get together romantically! Conversely, I confide in him about my relationship issues and get good, frank, and straight-forward male perspective without sugar-coating like some of my female friends do. Sometimes it’s harder to take. Scott will call me out faster than female friends if I’m being what he deems unreasonable. If I have unrealistic expectations or am jealous when it is unprovoked Scott will say “Don’t be crazy!” or “Dana, this is below you.” His respect means the world to me and he has the ability to remind me that I’m of value and should conduct myself as such. He relates to my boyfriend because they’re men, but simultaneously empathizes with me as my long time friend. I think it has enriched my life and made me a better, more understanding person to an immeasurable extent. Trust me, I tell him and thank him all the time!