Week #2 comment on Jeffrey's post

I would have felt he same way in such a situation. I think the ease at which he replaced the word “girlfriend” with such a negative word like “bitch” is what would affect me the most. It is one thing to make a joke in bad taste or cross a line and then recognize your error and apologize. However, when something like your experience happens, it shows a deeper assimilation of this type of derogatory language embedded and accepted within the culture. The way he did not give a second thought to whether or not it would offend you or her, even if she was not present, suggests he sees nothing wrong with it. It leads me to believe that the word “bitch” is becoming more widespread in defining all women, not just those that are considered actually “bitchy.” Yet the negative connotation has not disappeared. Now we are not running the risk of being called “bitches” because of our attitudes or behaviors, we’re running the risk simply because we are biologically women! I always think of the way individuals refer to someone they have wrapped around their finger as their “bitch.” In my mind it denotes weakness, as in “he’s whining like a little bitch.” This adds another layer to referring to women as “bitches,” as though we are the weaker sex/gender and in some way belong to someone, like a male counterpart.

Week #2 Response to Class blog

Like Michelle I grew up with parents acting within their traditional gender roles. I think this has a great effect on children who observe and essentially absorb their parents’ behavior as role models. I too was confused by my father’s expectations of my mother. Why was my mother who worked just as long hours, expected to have a healthy home made meal on the table every night? My father also never cleaned off the kitchen table, did the laundry, cared for or walked the family dog, or bothered to help us with homework. To a child one could confuse his “masculine” role of bread winner as pretty uncaring. I’m not saying this is true of all those who adhere to this gender role, but it was how I saw him as a child. I thought the dynamic was unfair and I felt badly for my mother who always put the family first, while my father seemed to put himself first. My mother kept an immaculately clean house and raised two very strong, loving, and intelligent daughters with great integrity. I would not applaud my father in the same way as my memories of him are predominantly as disciplinarian, a lay about in front of the television or as an absentee since he spent much of his time in the “man cave” of our basement. I found I looked for opposing qualities in a relationship to prevent carrying on this structure in my future family. My boyfriend cleans and cooks better than I do! He takes care of pets as though they are children. Furthermore, he is sensitive and nurturing without this having any threat to his masculinity. Sometimes I notice friends whose fathers were “tough guys” marrying a very similar type of man. I feel I’m more aware of this due to my upbringing and the gender roles played out in my family. I’m keenly aware of gender roles and am grateful for this awareness.

Week 2

I have a gender in communication moment virtually everyday when my boyfriend calls me pet names. After reading about these names in reference to being like a child, animal, toy or completely sexualized, I find it even harder to be ok with any of them. My boyfriend thinks the term “shorty” is funny and since I’m only 5’2” he teases me that I’m his “shorty.” It drives me crazy! I’ve asked him to stop, but now and then he still chides me with it. He’s also calls me “lady” or “miss,” for example when he texts hello he usually says “hiiii pretty lady” or “hey sexy miss.” It seems silly to me, as though it’s a play on the formality of the words. However, I can’t for the life of me think of a pet name I’d rather him call me! Most rub me the wrong way or define a woman in a way I’d rather not condone. I agree that these names often indicate territoriality and most make me feel uncomfortable or insecure, even if there are good intentions. He jokes that I can find something wrong with anything he says about me, so I wonder if I am being too harsh. (If he says lady I say oh because I’m older? If he says cutie, I think why not pretty or beautiful? Cute is for kids!) I think everyone has a different comfort level in their own lives for this type of language and it can be somewhat open to interpretation depending on the individual and their experience.

Comment to Dawn M Initial Post

I'm also interested in how gender studies could give me a broader perspective and help me professionally. What an excellent recommendation for those in human resources! (Or like our classmate in Public Relations) In my previous job I handled all of the human resource duties and I think I would have benefited from a better understanding of gender and how each communicates. HR is based on communication, so much so in my last job that I received a rating on my communication skills which helped determine my raise! (It was one of the top five categories in promoting!) I think it is a step in the right direction for employers to encourage this type of education. Of course, I think gender studies will also broaden personal viewpoints as well. Just in posting these Eureka moments we’re forced to examine our own lives and how gender and communication play a vital role. I’m looking forward to it.

In response to Tamica's Week 1 blog

Dana said...
I think what you’re saying is common in our society. Wanting to “live and let live,” trying to respect all types of love and expression, and questioning our own ideals of gender as you did here, are all valid concepts that I adhere to as well. It is interesting that you question and challenge your reasons for discomfort, as it feels adverse to your values. I think the key is in being a parent. Suddenly our rules and behaviors change. Although we may believe one thing we might unintentionally stray from consistently upholding said beliefs when it concerns our child. Or maybe it’s not that anything truly changes, but that there is a different set of mental rules/values so to speak when it comes to parenting. I don’t know how I would feel being that I’m not a mother. I would think the display would not bother me, but my child’s understanding of it would. At a young age I’m not sure how much children comprehend of gender identity or sexual orientations that go against those prescribed. Who knows, maybe being exposed to a greater variety of these would create a more open minded social structure, if the next generation is more comfortable than the last. That is merely my perspective as an idealist. Yet I could see how religion, family or traditional values passed down, and a number of other factors could influence one’s reaction.

My niece and nephew

After reading the different theoretical approaches to gender development I thought of my own twin niece and nephew who are only four years old. My sister has never allowed for toy guns or toy weapons of any kind. However, my nephew Adrian as been fascinated with all types of play weapons regardless of her attempts. Ever since he was able to walk he would wonder around the yard collecting sticks to act as swords and guns. My niece on the other hand was completely disinterested in this sort of play. She enjoys setting up her doll house and play cooking while he searches for something to "blast" her with. Of course these preferences could not strictly be attributed to gender, but I've noticed many individuals claim that is the case. I've heard family members claim it is sheer biology, as in biological theories of gender, that he be more aggressive and she more sensitive. I've heard that he naturally enjoys sports and playing fireman, policeman, or soldier due to his gender while she plays mommy or chef. However, I find that psychodynamic theories and social learning theory can be applicable as well. They have learned in relation to each other and the world around them which has contributed to their gender identities. They role modeled after mom and dad, meanwhile always maintaining their own roles as the girl or boy, sister or brother, in counterpoint to each other. Also, they've been exposed to much learning in the media, story books, television and their experiences at preschool. I feel that simply stating their behavior is biological and "natural" ignores the myriad of interpersonal and cultural components to gender development.

Week #1

I tried using this blog months ago and felt it was too much, with other social networks and the like. I did not realize I deleted all the blog posts I had made! Well, now the slate is wiped clean and I can begin with Eureka moments regarding gender and communication. More to come.....